My mother recently suffered a massive stroke. Fortunately, I had just visited her, so we’d had lots of time together and been able to enjoy a week’s worth of our mother daughter shenanigans.
As is generally the case when I leave home these days, I have that moment of trepidation where I wonder if I will have the good fortune of seeing mom again. I don’t think I’m being pessimistic or even fatalistic – it’s just a reality when you and your parents reach a certain age or health status. Whenever I mull these possibilities over I see the irony in thinking that just because my mother is older she will be the first to go. As a breast cancer survivor, I fully recognize how whimsical, mercurial and transitory this life can be. I’ve been holding on for dear life since 1996!
Mom has always been the most active person I know. I’ve commented on several occasions that when I go for a visit I always feel like I have my tongue hanging out after trying to keep up with her throughout the day. She’s a spry and healthy 79 year old – which makes this recent development all the more hard to accept.
I’m certainly not here to try convince anyone there is anything even remotely funny about a loved one having a stroke, because for the life of me, I’m having a really difficult time finding any humor in either the situation or my dilemma – which is that I put off writing my humor column thinking oh, I can do that tomorrow – and then whammo I get a call about mom. You would think I’d have learned my lesson a long time ago. Waiting until the last moment to do anything is really asking for it. You know that old saying: if you want to make God laugh, make plans!
Prior to having my life (and that of my entire family’s) abruptly altered, I’d read a recent Op-Ed piece in the New York Times by Jerry Seinfeld in honor of George Carlin. He made reference to a quote I’ve heard many times over – Dying is easy, comedy is hard! That comment always made me chuckle, because there is certainly a ring of truth to it. Perhaps in my case a more appropriate comment would be strokes are hard, timing is everything!
Actually, my life in the past few months has not been a laugh fest. I used to have four Jack Russell Terriers. Used to. I now have one. I appreciate that I had them for nearly 15 years. I just never fully thought about what having four dogs so near the same age would mean somewhere down the line. To make matters worse, the one dog I have remaining has canine cognitive disorder. I’m not kidding you, old dogs can get doggie Alzheimer’s!
When I mention this to people, they think I’m kidding and tend to make jokes. And I try my best to see the humor in the situation, but poor Cosmo spends most of his day walking in circles and eating because he doesn’t remember he already did. I’m pretty sure he’s just fine with this development, and the walking in circles appears to keep the weight off, so from a dog’s eye view this is not a problem! I must say that I have much greater empathy for people who have a loved one afflicted with Alzheimer’s! It’s heartbreaking when it’s your dog – I can’t fathom how awful it must be to have another human forget who you are.
Which gets me back to my mom. At the moment it is still too early to know exactly how impaired she will be or how lasting the paralysis. When I first received the news I prayed that if she could not be independent and mobile she would not survive. I felt guilty even having these thoughts because, after all, I am talking about my mother. But I also knew from conversations we’ve had over the years that one of her greatest fears is to be an invalid or dependent upon others.
It is our fears that each of us must face throughout our lives. I’m sure these same fears are where comedy evolved from in the first place. What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger – and provides material for our jokes. Case in point:
Three buddies die in a car and go to heaven for an orientation. They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning over you, what would you like to hear them say about you?"
The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."
The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."
The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say, LOOK, HE'S MOVING!!!!!”
I wouldn’t be a good daughter if I didn’t let my mom have the last word, so here goes. On the second day after her stroke one of the young doctors came in and said, “Can you squeeze my finger?” She said “No”. He asked again. “Can you squeeze my finger?” Again she said “No!” Somewhat exasperated, the young doctor said one last time, “Can you squeeze my finger?” At which point my mom said, “Oh, you said squeeze – I thought you said pull – and I wasn’t going to fall for that joke!”